Thu 21 Sep 06, life stuff

0km today and 33km for the week so far.

I will run later this afternoon and log that as a separate post. Over the past month or so I have not posted a lot of personnel things in an attempt to not say too much about my life and the direction that it has taken and so as I didn't say anything that I shouldn't. I thank the many comments, emails and phone calls and most importantly the support given. Today's post is for me and for those who are interested in some of my thoughts and I thank you for reading and caring. So if you don't know me, then this post will mean very little.

Today 12 months ago I made a major decision and left my wife, which of course resulted in some very hard times predominantly emotionally. Over the past few days I have tried to analyse who & where my life is actually going and why, for those who know me well will know that I love to analyse things. Am I happy with my decision? For me it was the right decision, but for my wife and now 3 younger boys probably not, so one in particular likes to remind me.

More thoughts later... A few days later & I've kind of decided I won't say much more. Thankfully, I still have a good relationship with Connor (nearly 8) & Declan (5), whilst at times it is strained between Declan & myself but he tends to be happy to see me and stay with me, but he does like to make many comments. Whilst Connor is much quieter and is just happy to chat away and be happy with the times. A big plus has been that I can and do get along with Julie and we can chat and hold a good conversation which has meant I can hang around the house comfortably which means I have been able to spend some time getting to know Kaelan (now 6 months) even enough for him to be able to recognise me as I enter the room and smile. This morning (Sat) I was standing on the porch prior to coming in and I seen Kaelan through the window and he seen me and gave me a big smile, which is a good feeling.

12 months down the road and I've had some moments and made some poor decisions, money is continually tight and paying rent and a lot of child support is a major factor in my life. As well I have made some stupid decisions and even managed to put myself further in debt and picked up many fines in the early days of new car and this all adds up. But the biggest mistake was 6 weeks or so ago, a few days of very little food and then a cold and too much alcohol & basic medication resulted in a mess and I spent a night and morning as a patient, a mistake which I am quite embarrassed about and may remove from here, but at the moment it is here because it kind of helps to remind that I am not indestructible and I do need to be good to myself.